How stress can be contagious and what to do to avoid it (and help your loved ones) - El Mostrador

With a rush of shopping, spending money, and trips to see family, stress can feel unavoidable during the holidays.

You may already know that stress can affect your own health, but you may not realize that your stress, and how you deal with it, is rubbing off on you. Your stress may spill over, especially to your loved ones.

As a psychohealth psychologist, I have developed a model of how couples and their stress influence each other's biological and psychological health. Through that and other research, I have learned that the quality of intimate relationships is crucial to people's health.

An example: stress in relationships can disrupt the immune, endocrine, and cardiovascular systems. A study of newlyweds found that levels of stress hormones were higher when partners were hostile during a conflict — that is, when they were critical, sarcastic, spoke in a nasty tone, and used aggravating facial expressions like rolling their eyes.

Similarly, in another study, people in hostile relationships had slower wound healing, increased inflammation, higher blood pressure, and greater changes in heart rate during conflict.

Middle-aged and older men had higher blood pressure at times when their wives reported greater stress. And couples who felt they weren't being cared for or understood had poorer well-being and higher mortality rates 10 years later compared with those who felt more cared for and appreciated by their partners.

Conflict and Cortisol

Cortisol is a hormone that plays a key role in the body's response to stress.

Cortisol has a diurnal rhythm, so its levels are usually highest shortly after waking up; and then gradually decrease during the day. But chronic stress can lead to unhealthy cortisol patterns, such as low cortisol levels upon waking or cortisol not dropping much at the end of the day.

These patterns are associated with increased disease development and mortality risks.

My colleagues and I found that conflict altered couples' cortisol levels on the day they had a dispute: People with stressed-out partners who engaged in negative behaviors during conflict had higher cortisol levels even four hours after the conflict occurred. the conflict ended.

One ​​of my clients asked me if I knew how to take photos on FaceTime 🤔 I told them I never did a photoshoot over FaceTime

— (Brit-Ta-Nee)™ Mon May 18 00:38:14 +0000 2020

These findings suggest that arguing with a partner who is already stressed may have lasting biological effects on health.

Managing Stress

Here are three ways you can reduce stress in your relationship, during and after the holidays.

First, talk and validate each other. Let your partner know that you understand their feelings. Talk about things big and small before they escalate.

Sometimes couples hide issues to protect each other, but this can actually make things worse. Share your feelings, and when your partner shares in return, don't interrupt.

Remember that feeling cared for and understood by a partner is good for your emotional well-being and promotes healthier cortisol patterns, so being there for each other and listening to each other can have health effects for both you and each other. His couple.

Then show your love. Hug each other, hold hands and be kind. This also lowers cortisol and can make you feel happier. One study found that a satisfying relationship may even help improve the response to vaccination.

Next, remember that you are part of a team. Brainstorm solutions, be each other's cheerleaders, and celebrate victories together. Couples who come together to cope with stress are healthier and more satisfied with their relationships. For example: cook dinner or run errands when your partner is stressed, relax and reminisce together, or try a new restaurant, dance, or exercise class.

That said, it's also true that sometimes these steps aren't enough. Many couples will continue to need help managing stress and overcoming difficulties. Couples therapy helps partners learn to communicate and resolve conflicts effectively. It is critical to be proactive and seek help from someone who is trained to deal with ongoing relationship difficulties.

So, this holiday season, let your partner know you're there for them, preferably while holding them. Take other people's stress seriously and don't roll your eyes anymore. It's not so much the stress itself; it's the way you both handle stress together.

Working as an open and honest team is the key ingredient to a healthy and happy relationship, both during the holiday season and into the new year.

*Rosie Shrout is Associate Professor of Human Development and Family Studies at Purdue University, United States.

This story originally appeared on The Conversation and is published here under a Creative Commons license. You can read the original article here.

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